10 Ways To Annoy
by WolfletteMoon
Summary: 10 ways to annoy various Artemis Fowl characters. If you don't like these lists, then don't read them.
1. Artemis Fowl

I really like these lists (when they're good), but I couldn't find any Artemis Fowl ones, so I figured I'd write one instead. Feel free to tell me if it's crap. I will probably do other characters.

I do not own Artemis Fowl. I am not nearly that rich.

**10 Ways To Annoy Artemis Fowl**

1, Ask him what his therapist thinks of the fairies.

2, Tell him he failed a test…

3, …Videotape the nervous breakdown that is guaranteed to happen, then show it to his therapist.

4, 'Politely' point out that Foaly's smarter than him.

5, Ask him stupid questions, time how long it takes for him to get annoyed.

6, Ask him something that can't be scientifically answered, like 'how do bees fly with such small wings.

7, Tell him genies are meant to be in lamps.

8, Ask him 'I geeks get the girls, why are you single?'

9, Set fangirls on him.

10, Ask for the truth about him and Holly/ Minerva/ Butler.


	2. Holly Short

It concerns me greatly that I have gotten more reviews for this in one day than my other two fics put together. Apparently, people are more interested in my hyperactive-sugar-rush-induced randomness than my serious fan fictions. All the same, I got let loose with a computer and a packet of trident gum, so here's Holly. YAY FOR HYPERNESS. Probably Foaly next.

**10 Ways To Annoy Holly Short**

1, Dye her hair blonde.

2, Replace all of her clothes with dresses (that one would irk anyone).

3, Say fairies aren't real. Ask why she isn't dying.

4, Paint her neutrino pink.

5, When she does something bad, threaten to tell peter pan on her.

6, Compare her to Tinkerbelle.

7, Compare her to any other stereotype fairy.

8, Ask her why she's not like the elves from the Inheritance cycle or Lord of the Rings.

9, Introduce her to Paris Hilton…

10, …then lock them in a room together.


	3. Foaly

I'm on a roll today. The joys of trident chewing gum, it really does make me hyper. I think this is my best so far. Oddly, Foaly's one of my favorite characters.

**10 Ways To Annoy Foaly**

1, Take his hoof moisturizer.

2, Test his latest invention- brake it.

3, Criticize his latest invention.

4, Put pictures of horses on his computer, and then accuse him of having been on porn.

5, Buy him a saddle.

6, Call him your 'knight in shining tinfoil'.

7, Try and hook him up with Donkey from Shrek.

8, Buy him a big donkey/horse teddy; say you couldn't find a centaur blow-up doll.

9, Lock him in a room with Opal Kobi (also works for opal)

10, Suggest he joins the geek squad.


	4. Butler

I've been getting flamed. YAY! I only posted this because I was bored and hyper, I was going to remove it a few days later, but people asked me to do other characters. This chapter is dedicated to everybody who reads it. With special mentions to 94, my newly corrupted school friend whom has just signed up. Be nice to her.

Today's sugar and E-numbers have worn off, so it's just me and my wit (or lack there of).

If you're a fan, drop me a line. If not…drop me a line anyway. It brings meaning to my pointless existence; ok, it doesn't, but I have nothing better to do in ICT class than read them.

Oh, and another one for Foaly, ask if he knows the centaur from Coheed and Cambria's music video for The suffering. Ask if it is him. I'm adding this because I'm listening to them right now.

**10 Ways To Annoy Butler**

1, Hit Artemis (not funny, but I felt like pointing out the obvious).

2, Say you saw him on top of the empire state building in an old black and white film.

3, Compare him to Donkey Kong.

4, Beg him not to throw barrels at you.

5, Lock him in a room with a troll.

6, Tell him King Kong got the looks in his family.

7, Say you know someone tougher than him…

8, …Refuse to specify who.

9, Call him a zombie. He did die, so it's technically correct.

10, Write 'property of Artemis Fowl' on his head, say you like to point out the obvious.

I know this one isn't very good, but I'm not a comedy writer and a have no sugar and hyperness in my system. And yes, I do know the author's note is longer than the chapter.


	5. Opal Kobi

I was kind of asked to do Opal…and, since I'm such a nice person (cough, cough) I thought I would. Plus I have some brilliant ideas for this, sugar rush or not.

**10 Ways To Annoy Opal Kobi**

1, Buy her an iris cam for Christmas.

2, Get her a pet goblin.

3, Show her the 'one by one the pixies stole my sanity' t-shirt I've been meaning to buy for ages…

4, …tell her you want it back, it's not your fault she lost hers.

5, Lock her in a room with Foaly (also works for Foaly).

6, Ask how thing are going with Cudgen. (Yes, I do know he's dead, but it would irk her)

7, Send her to a family reunion- I'm sure she would love to see her father again.

8, Send her to the same hospital as her father- they could bond!

9, Give her an 'official' arts degree.

10, Give her a globe, tell her she now owns the world.


	6. Commander Root

This chapter is dedicated to the late, great commander Root, whom did not deserve to get killed off. This was surprisingly difficult since it's a character that is usually angry. Not my best work, I know.

**10 Ways To Annoy Commander Root**

1, Tell him about people betting on how much longer his heart would last.

2, Call him beetroot.

3, Ask him about that time he got beat by a twelve year old.

4, Next time, remember to point out that it was a human twelve year old.

5, When he goes to get in a shuttle, tell him one person at a time.

6, Tell him how tight his uniform looks.

7, When he walks into a room, scream about a time bomb; apologize and say it was just his heart.

8, If he hasn't yelled at you for five minutes, assume he's had a heart attack.

9, When he gets annoyed, make an exploding noise. See how many people panic.

10, Paint him purple.


	7. Mulch Diggums

Mulch is probably the most difficult character for a 'how to annoy list' as he's generally pretty laid back. But, all the same, I can't just leave him out. **This was co-written by cherry chocolate pie, because he rocks!!!**

And to all the people thinking, and more importantly saying, that I can't write humor: I KNOW!!! I believe I have already said that I am not, by nature, a comedy writer; I am in fact a fantasy, horror and drama writer. Read my Inheritance cycle fics if you want proof. I like to try different styles. As much as I like being flamed, please pay attention to what I put in the authors notes, I don't write them for the fun of it you know.

**10 Ways To Annoy Mulch Diggums**

1, Try to make him sing 'hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work I go'.

2, Try to hook him up with snow-white.

3, Tell him if he keeps letting his skin dry out he'll end up looking like a goblin.

4, Tie him to a chair and hold a piece of gold in front of him.

5, Tell him to loose some weight or he'll start getting stuck in the tunnels.

6, Lock him in a room with a goblin.

7, Chase him with a lit match (or flame thrower, if you like being OTT like me).

8, Remind him of all the years he has spent in prison…

9, …And that the only reason he isn't there now is a certain mudboy.

10, Tell him that (insert name of thief from cartoon/anime/book/film) is better than him.


	8. Minerva

Firstly, as much as I like flames, they're better if I can actually reply to them. Thanks for the reviews, people, you're all great. Someone requested this character, and since I'm so nice, here she is. Minerva bashers will love me! No sugar-rush this time, but I have got a cold.

**10 Ways To Annoy Minerva**

1, Misspell or mispronounce her last name.

2, Or just forget it completely (like me).

3, Tell her that blondes are dumb (not to insult any blondes, I have a lot of blond friends).

4, Keep making insulting blonde jokes around her (again, no offence to any blonde readers)

5, Tell her Artemis would rather spend three years with demons than with her.

6, Tell her- and everyone else- that she gets her looks from her father; the plastic surgeon.

7, Give her little brother sugar…

8, …Then lock her in a room with him.

9, Lock her in a room with that nutcase who thought demons killed his brother (I can't remember his name).

10, Point out that Artemis found the fairies first.


	9. Trouble Kelp

I'm beginning to run out of characters…I may have to end this. Nay will have to end this. Yes, I am afraid I have only character left after this. But don't worry, as I have gotten so attached to this fanfic, I will most likely write a parody based on it. With Author inserts. This character was a suggestion, and I do tend to respond to them.

Oh, and I have corrupted another friend, Sh4d0wGirl, be nice to this one, too.

And no, flames don't bother me, I actually find them funny.

**10 Ways To Annoy Trouble Kelp**

1, Lock him in a room with his brother.

2, Ask if him being Trouble makes his parents trouble makers.

3, Ask if he's so tough why did he got beat up by Butler when Grub didn't.

4, When he does/says something mean to Grub, tell him Mummy and Daddy will be angry.

5, Record Grub whining, then make him listen to it on repeat.

6, Replace all of his trousers with short skirts, say it's so that you can call him 'trouble in a miniskirt'.

7, Tattoo 'Grub's brother' on his head, just to remind him of who he's related to.

8, Use 'Mummy and Daddy' threats on him.

9, Call him Trubs in front of the bad guys.

10, When he's trying to pull, tell the girl (or guy, Eoin Colfer didn't exactly make it clear) 'Careful, this ones Trouble'.


	10. Juliet Butler

**Goodbye my adoring fans and not so adoring flamers.**

This is going to be my last chapter; I hope you've enjoyed this fic. Or enjoyed flaming it. As long as my readers are happy, I am- to a degree.

This was, yet again, unbelievably difficult. And co-authored by cherry chocolate pie! He's still awesome.

**10 W****ays To Annoy Juliet Butler**

1, Tell her wrestling has been made illegal.

2, Mock her wrestling name.

3, Tell her that wrestling is not a sport, it's a soap opera (I, for one, agree with this).

4, Make sure to add in that that makes her an actress, not an athlete.

5, Ask to see her blue diamond tattoo (or lack of).

6, Lock her in a room with Mulch.

7, Make her read the bit of 'Artemis Fowl' where she's mesmerized.

8, Ask why her brother's in all of the books and she's in hardly any.

9, Show her the tapes of her being almost-eaten by the troll.

10, Tell her that makes her the damsel in distress, and Butler the knight in shining Armor!!!

That's it, my fanfic is complete! I have written 10 chapters, of ten ways to annoy whichever character, and have 49 reviews at the moment!!! I'm now going to reward myself with a cookie! Or maybe 10, I can't get much fatter. Okay, I can, but I really don't care; much.

GoodbyeGoodbyeGoodbyeGoodbyeGoodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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